Confessions of an Atheist

2013-01-14 09.58.08-1Sometimes life is heavy and all that I may want is to pray. Then I look around and I find only emptiness. No gods to support me, no karma to help me with meaning, no saints to appeal for my luck, nothing to give me hope or forgiveness. In moments like these, I sincerely envy people of faith, whatever faith they have. 

I have always been proud of my logic, my organized and objective way of thinking, and – why not? – my atheism. These features quite usually helped me see beyond what the others saw. They helped me to grow intellectually and professionally.

Not that they came without a price: arrogance and cynicism are negative personality traits that many have associated to me, with more or less reason, for my whole life. A stereotypical difficulty to deal with emotions – mine and of the others – has been part of the toll as well.

But this was maybe a small price to pay when I felt myself a bit closer to people like Bertrand Russel or Carl Sagan, as if we were sharing a secrete not accessible to most of humanity.

There are moments, however, that all this logic feels like a curse. Sometimes life is heavy and all that I may want is to pray. Then I look around and I find only emptiness. No gods to support me, no karma to help me with meaning, no saints to appeal for my luck, nothing to give me hope or forgiveness. In moments like these, I sincerely envy people of faith, whatever faith they have.

In moments like these, I regret my atheistic proselytism, although I doubt anyone has ever lost the faith after hearing me.

As for myself, I will keep walking, proudly holding my rational brain. And I will stop this confession here, to watch an interview with Dawkins in the Daily Show. It is just starting.

MB



Categories: Culture, Scientific Culture

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Trackbacks

  1. And the First “Much Bigger Outside” Award goes to … | Much Bigger Outside
  2. Atheism Is Faith, Not Arrogance | Much Bigger Outside

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